Thanx Madge and Lorraine
Being an overseas bride
Feb 8, '08 11:15 AM
for everyone
I just got married last month, 18 January 2008. I started preparing for my wedding as early as March 2007 and I realized (o talagang tinamad lang ako! O di ako nag-se-search sa tamang sites) na there’s not much I could find on blogs nor on articles about overseas brides --- more specifically the DOs and DON’Ts that Pinay overseas brides need to take note of before and during the wedding.
On my way back to Geneva (as in sa plane), I wrote these ideas down. I would like to share what I went through. If this blog could give insights to one or 2 future brides, then this would have already served its purpose. Brace yourself, it’s loooooonnnnnngggggg.
PLANNING
1. If at all possible, PAY FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING. It is so much more liberating, I tell you! Nothing beats having full control over this event and making your own decisions. ‘Nuff said.
2. Decide if you want a stress-free or a stressful wedding before you even begin thinking of your planning. You owe it to yourself not to be so stressed and anxious during your big day. This mindset allows you to plan accordingly. Planning and managing is my profession. So it’s natural for me to be controlling. But I realized I cannot plan every minute detail from abroad. So I made a conscious decision not to be the OC bride … some things needed to be let go and this worked well for me.
3. Preparing from abroad is not easy. Acknowledge that there is difficulty in getting your wedding preps done. If it is within your budget, opt for a very good coordinator. Unless your relative/friend is a professional event planner, choose someone who is not. If you can’t help it, make sure they are not part of the entourage so they could concentrate on the event. At sana hindi sila ang unang kakain, noh!
4. Too much information does not help. I only bought 5 wedding magazines the whole time I was preparing. I also went through blogs. Then I stopped. Vhaket??? Information overload. It wasn’t doing me any good and to think I only did that for less than a couple of months. Heller??? Get past the excitement! Get preliminary ideas but don’t let society dictate what should and should not happen on your wedding (it’s pure marketing, honey). Good thing also is to ask one supplier who s/he would recommend so you can narrow your choices down.
MONEY MATTERS
5. Most people, articles, sites and blogs (ang dami) would say “Stick to your budget.” Gasgas na itech. What I would ask you is: “Do you even know what your budget is?” You need to rationalize and identify what your priorities are. Parang, ganito: “Hindi ba matutuloy ang kasal pag walang souvenir (a.k.a. dust collector)” OR “Isasanla ko ba ang singsing ko, kung hindi o eh ba’t kailangan may bato?” OR "dapat bang i-shoulder ang second round ng drinks?" Doing this BEFORE lets you set a reasonable and achievable budget. It follows then that you can stick to it.
6. Set up a separate account for wedding expenses. Do not ever ever mix your hard-earned money with the wedding fund. In this way, you can easily keep track if you’re spending more than you should. Having all your money in one pot gives you a false impression that you still have a lot to dig into.
7. I didn’t need to give my coordinator my budget since I knew I could manage and control it well. You don' t really have to. If your coordinator is good, s/he does not need to know, s/he will just sense it. S/He should be able to tell if you’re having too much expenses and tell you that some things are not really needed. That’s the mark of a professional supplier.
8. If you are an overseas bride, people automatically think you have all the money in the world and that your wedding should be BONGGACIOUS! Nah-ah. Even rich people, do budgeting. Best advice I can give you? Don’t tell anyone how much you’ve set aside. Keep them guessing! At the same time, walang mangungutang!!!! hahahaha
9. Still not leaving the issue of budget --- even phone calls or phone cards should be part of your budget. Don’t need to explain further.
10. Have a reality check if you are the type of person going gaga over a Claudine-Raymart type of wedding but does not have the budget for it. Heller, sponsored kaya sila? If there is one thing I can say, you pay for Quality. Kung tinipid (and TIPID has a relative definition) mo ang suppliers, then do not compare their work with someone who is more pricey.
11. If you do not have a personal account in the Philippines, then you need to plan how you are going to transfer your money and convert them into pesos. ATMs nowadays are ready to access international accounts but note that most, if not all, local machines only allow 20,000php withdrawal A DAY. So plan when you need to have that money taken out of the bank. You don’t want to reach your wedding day with nothing to pay some of your suppliers because YOUR DAILY AMOUNT HAS BEEN EXCEEDED. Ganon?
12. If you have budgeted on USD (or other currency), keep track how the exchange rate goes with Philippine Pesos. I started budgeting at 47php to the dollar. By the time I started making my first downpayments, the exchange rate was already 44 to the dollar. Surprise surprise, come the month of my wedding, the rate was 40 to the dollar. Kaloka di ba, bakit di na lang ako lagyan ng pacemaker sa puso. So be mindful of how the rates are going.
SUPPLIERS
13. Choose a supplier that you are comfortable with, who has experience, you TRUST, you respect and most of all (which is a very good checkpoint) someone whom you think would be your good friend after. Yun bang sa susunod na uwi mo eh gusto mo silang makita at hindi yung "sana di ko siya masalubong sa MOA!" You want your wedding to be fun, full of love and more importantly less stressful. You want good memories of that day at hindi yung nagmamadali kang i-blog ang supplier mo the next day dahil sa inis, de vah? Note that suppliers need to WORK WITH YOU and NOT CONTROL YOU. Go and do due diligence checks with your friends and colleagues if that helps you at all.
14. If you have doubts that they can deliver what you want, then don’t go ahead with the signing yet. Ask for a portfolio or a demo tape or something … Kung di ka lang naman sure.
15. There are a few people who would be out there whose only concern is to discredit some suppliers because of their experience with them (and not mindful of their own shortcomings). But be rationale, do not believe every single detail you hear or read in blogs especially if you do not know the person telling the story. Ang logic ko diyan, the very good suppliers will not put their name on the line without regard for anything. There is always 2 sides to the story: the supplier's and the couple's. So, exercise proper judgment. It also does not help you at all in reading a disgusting blog about your supplier AFTER you have just booked him/her. I suggest stop reading blogs about them after signing that contract. You should have done that before.
16. It would be good if your suppliers have already worked with each other. Fortunately for me, they have even if I booked them separately. I bet you, it makes all your preps run smoothly and hassle-free.
17. Focus first on those suppliers who can only do ONE wedding a day (especially if you do not want to resort to their 2nd team) like make-up, photography, coordinator, event stylist, band. The very good ones get booked easily so don’t be too complacent kahit kasing yaman ka pa ni Bill Gates. No amount of money will not make them drop their booked clients because it’s their name and credibility on the line.
18. As your backup plan, try your suppliers’ 2nd team. Most of them are trained by your supplier to his/her standards. If for some reason, the main supplier got sick, at least it would be less stressful for you to find someone else (who may even perform less than the 2nd team) at the last minute.
19. As an overseas bride, CHECK and MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Overseas bride ka ha!!! So don’t ever pretend you have full control over suppliers and over the littlest of things. Pag hindi ka naman nabaliw, girl! For example, your coordinator cannot and will not report to you everyday or every week especially if you still have more than a couple of months to go and if your suppliers are already booked. What do you want them to report on? May bagong camera lens ang photographer mo? Or may bagong MAC powder ang makeup artist mo? Does that help you at all? If you are so OC, then check with your supplier what you expect even before signing with them.
20. If it is part of your budget (which I made sure it was in mine) and if really feasible, go home at least months before for a few days or weeks. I am not referring to your final uwi before the wedding. No!!! This is the meet-and-greet part way way before the wedding takes place. I had to meet my suppliers and look them in the eye. Emails and phone chats will not/cannot give you that “feel ko sila” moment. And it makes the whole discussion easier because the dynamics are just different.
21. Your suppliers are not your slaves. Yeah, bayad mo sila. Yes, naka-kontrata sila sa yo, pero so? That's why for me, it was good that they matched my and Arvin's personalities. You need your suppliers to be happy with what they do for you so they could bring out the best in themselves consequently bringing out the best wedding for you. You don’t want to feel that they are just dragging themselves to do it (how pathetic is that!). Imagine if your make-up artist just does the make-up kasi “trabaho lang” or “yamot itong couple na ito” instead of having a mindset of “I need to make this bride beautiful … not pretty … but beautiful.” So keep your “feeling boss” personality in check. Kung di makatiis, let your coordinator handle your other suppliers.
22. Communicate with your suppliers. Do not expect them to GUESS what you are thinking!!! Hindi ata sila si Manang Bola, noh! Ano, Batibot moment? Give them some of your ideas and give them time to process it. If they are not sure, they will come back and ask your decision. But do your end of the deal, tell them what you think.
23. Most, if not all, wedding suppliers are artists (make-up, photography, designer, florist, music, and even coordinator). Let them be creative and give them space to do their work but still within your blessings. It has to be a passion for them and not just mere work putting food on their table.
24. Do not be lazy, compare supplier packages and pricing thoroughly! AS IN EVERY ITEM. I had 4 proposals from 4 hotels. I was very tempted to choose Hotel A because it’s known at the same time the package is less pricey. But when I sat down and compared it with Hotel D (which almost gave me a heart attack after seeing the price but so totally my choice) including add-ons, the difference was only 20,000php (or 500USD). So gow ako with Hotel D!
25. Once you get proposals and packages, step back and think. As in THINK of OTHER QUESTIONS you can possibly come up with. Some suppliers (especially hotels) will not volunteer information. Your hidden costs can be brought to light depending on how detailed your questions are. Ask help from your coordinator. If you want to have a look at my questions, just holler in my multiply site. I would be very glad to share them.
26. If you can avoid it, do not abuse your friends. If you want them to do something for you and it is their profession, by all means PAY them (kahit siguro ex-deal, puwede) .. and yes I did do this. Basta, respect their work. Huwag mang molestiya! In this way, you can directly talk business and you’re sure that the friendship is saved should problems occur. Wala ring sumbatan! Paano kung di siya maka-deliver? Sisigawan mo ba siya, kikimkimin mo ang sama ng loob mo, o sisiraan mo siya sa iba?
INVITATIONS
27. It so helped us a lot when we went to see the printer and having shown her our own design. I don’t have the patience to sit down and go through past invitations. For one, it’s already an existing design. No longer unique. So I went and asked my friend (professional graphics designer) to design something for me. That made all the difference.
28. Bridal Registry or Money? If you’re leaving the country after the wedding, do you seriously and honestly want people to give you electric fans, plates, glasses, cooking pots, etc.? So choose wisely for your registry. If money naman, madadala mo ba sa ibang bansa ang pesos? Exchange Rate loss lang yan. To manage that, we decided not to put anything on the invite. Nothing dictated upon guests. For one, Arvin and I do not like registries. Second, it’s unsettling to ask for money (and how much?). Third, it is much sincere (from the guest) to give the couple what they want to give at the budget that they have. Walang pilitan.
29. If you really want your wedding to be for Adults only, put ADULT RECEPTION. Kebs ng printer mo kahit sabihin pang di ethical o wala sa book of etiquette yan.
30. Do you seriously need that many PRINICIPAL SPONSORS? Go and ask yourself. Go and ask your parents. If you don’t know them, do not respect them, or are not close to them why should they be your second parents? What advice can they give you that you will heed? Additionally, it crowds your invite …
31. Before choosing members of the entourage, ask yourself … 10 years after the wedding and if you were looking at your photos, would you regret having Maria or Jack as your secondary sponsors? Magkakaroon ka ba ng “Sana di na lang sila ang kinuha ko” drama? Medyo late na ata yon. So choose wisely and choose those who mean to you. And note, you don’t have to get your cousins or any other relatives if you don't really like to. Heller, kamaganak mo na nga sila, entourage mo pa? Double booking na yon!
32. Pinoys, unfortunately and honestly, still need to learn RSVPs. Believe me!!! I’ve been told so many times how stubborn people can get but I refused to believe it until it happened to me. So either wag ka nang maglagay sa invite ng RSVP (sayang lang ang bayad sa extra card) or ask your coordinator to call them one by one. Better yet do it yourself. If they are really your friends, they will not mind a note or text from you or your coordinator that you need them to CONFIRM. I went to the extreme and told them that if I don’t get confirmation by a certain date, their SEAT RESERVATIONS are cancelled. Ang taray!!! Aminado naman ako doon. This is also the best way to control your costs during reception. Less surprises because no additional heads.
OTHERS
33. Some grooms-to-be are hands-off kasi daw it’s a girl thing. I beg to disagree!!! AS IN!!! I bet, those couples who planned their wedding together would attest that such a “girly-thing” is SO NOT. The guy needs to understand the effort, the time and the money spent on this. I am so fortunate that Arvin went through with it ALL THE WAY. And as the event is nearing (pressure!!!), you need someone to discuss things with and put you into perspective.
34. Most people who work abroad were able to put up an investment or 2 back home. Pinoys need to mature and consider prenup as something they may need --- hindi dahil mayaman ka (so narrow minded ). But to keep something you own for yourself and/or for your family. Arvin and I wanted both our families to be secured with the fact that whatever we owned and put up for the family remains with the families. Prenup is not something very difficult to do.
35. Before coming home, make sure you have a checklist of what you need to pack. You do not want to forget an important piece of your wedding like your ring. Blood Pressure rises!!!
36. And before going home, plan how you would spend your days and weeks wisely. Set aside 2 to 3 days before the wedding as NOTHING-TO-DO days. You need to rest physically and mentally.
CHECKPOINT DAY(S) BEFORE THE WEDDING
37. If you are stressed during your wedding preps, then it is a reflection of how disorganized you are. I mean, seriously (aminin!!!). This is a big event involving big bucks and a lot of people. Don’t be surprised that there will be pressure points. As in kailangan bang nakakalat ang mga souvenirs sa kwarto? Kailangan bang makalimutan ang anik-anik sa house? Kailangan bang tumaas ang boses? Hindi naman di ba? Remember, pag stressed ka na, stressed na rin ang mga tao sa paligid mo.
38. If you and your spouse-to-be are not comfortable writing vows, then DON’T. Again, ask yourselves. Not because USO means bagay sa inyo.
39. I had an alone time with myself night before the wedding (kung organized na lahat, you can do/will have this.) I had no last minute stuff to do, so I stayed and slept alone in my bridal suite. I was thinking and preparing myself for the next day, I was staring at my gown, I was praying and asking for guidance on my new life ahead. Put it this way - YOU NEED TO SHUT OFF from other cares of the world. You have to wake up on your big day with a clear head.
40. Take Care of yourself. I had 4 weeks leave before the big day. In my first 3 weeks in Manila, I got sick 3 times (fever, colds, cough – combination of weather change and fatigue). Biogesic, Tuseran and Decolgen to the max. Puwede na akong product endorser!!! It was not a pleasant thing to go through. You would want to be in tip top shape for your wedding.
I am very fortunate that the event took place as planned and very successful at that… last pieces of advice,
KNOW WHO YOU ARE and DECIDE accordingly. Things will then fit into place.
If you can help it, DO NOT DIVULGE details of your wedding. It makes the whole thing a surprise not just to your family but to friends and other guests. There is quite a satisfaction when you hear them say “Awwwwwhhhh” or “Ang ganda!!!”
Saturday, February 23, 2008
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